Cats Protection
Newcastle upon Tyne Branch
1. YOU WOKE UP IN A STRANGE PLACE !
2. YOU HAD TROUBLE GETTING OUT OF BED
3. YOU WASHED YOUR HAIR AND COULDN'T DO A THING WITH IT !
4 YOU FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE A HANGOVER AND HADN'T EVEN HAD A DRINK LAST NIGHT !
5 YOUR NEW DIET DOESN'T SEEM TO BE WORKING TOO WELL !
6 YOU PULLED A MUSCLE TRYING TO EXERCISE !
7 YOUR NEW HAT LOOKED BETTER ON YOU IN THE STORE !
8 YOUR OLD ONE DOESN'T LOOK QUITE RIGHT EITHER !
9 THE DRY CLEANERS SHRUNK YOUR FAVOURITE OUTFIT !
10 YOU KEEP LOSING THINGS !
11 YOU HAVE A STIFF NECK !
12 YOU FEEL YOU ARE IN THE WRONG PLACE AT THE WRONG TIME !
13 THE BOSS CHEWED YOU OUT AT WORK !
14 YOU GOT CAUGHT IN THE RAIN AT LUNCHTIME !
15 THE LUNCH YOU HAD DIDN'T AGREE WITH YOU !
16 YOU GET NO RESPECT !
17 TRAFFIC ON THE WAS HOME WAS BRUTAL !
18 UN-INVITED GUESTS TURN UP FOR DINNER !
19 DINNER ENDS UP MAKING YOU FEEL QUEASY !
20 YOU ARE COMING DOWN WITH FLU !
21 YOU ARE ALONE IN THE HOUSE AND HEAR A NOISE !
2. YOU HAD TROUBLE GETTING OUT OF BED
3. YOU WASHED YOUR HAIR AND COULDN'T DO A THING WITH IT !
4 YOU FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE A HANGOVER AND HADN'T EVEN HAD A DRINK LAST NIGHT !
5 YOUR NEW DIET DOESN'T SEEM TO BE WORKING TOO WELL !
6 YOU PULLED A MUSCLE TRYING TO EXERCISE !
7 YOUR NEW HAT LOOKED BETTER ON YOU IN THE STORE !
8 YOUR OLD ONE DOESN'T LOOK QUITE RIGHT EITHER !
9 THE DRY CLEANERS SHRUNK YOUR FAVOURITE OUTFIT !
10 YOU KEEP LOSING THINGS !
11 YOU HAVE A STIFF NECK !
12 YOU FEEL YOU ARE IN THE WRONG PLACE AT THE WRONG TIME !
13 THE BOSS CHEWED YOU OUT AT WORK !
14 YOU GOT CAUGHT IN THE RAIN AT LUNCHTIME !
15 THE LUNCH YOU HAD DIDN'T AGREE WITH YOU !
16 YOU GET NO RESPECT !
17 TRAFFIC ON THE WAS HOME WAS BRUTAL !
18 UN-INVITED GUESTS TURN UP FOR DINNER !
19 DINNER ENDS UP MAKING YOU FEEL QUEASY !
20 YOU ARE COMING DOWN WITH FLU !
21 YOU ARE ALONE IN THE HOUSE AND HEAR A NOISE !
Does Your Cat Own You ??!!
| |
|---|---|
| Do you select your friends based on how well your cats like them? | |
| Does your desire to collect cats intensify during times of stress? | |
| Do you buy more than 50 pounds of cat litter a month? | |
| Do you scoop out the litter box after each use? Do you wait at the box with the scoop in your hand? | |
| Do you think it's cute when your cat swings on the drapes or licks the butter? | |
| Do you admit to non-cat owners how many cats you really have? | |
| Do you sleep in the same position all night because it annoys your cats when you move? | |
| Do you kiss your cat on the lips? | |
| Do you feed your cat tidbits from the table with your fork? | |
| Does your cat sit at the table (or ON the table) when you eat? | |
| Does your cat sleep on your head? Do you like it? | |
| Do you have more than four opened but rejected cans of cat food in the refrigerator? | |
| Do you watch bad TV because the cat is sleeping on the remote? | |
| Did you buy a video tape of fish swimming in an aquarium to entertain your cat? | |
| Will you stand at the open door indefinitely in the freezing rain while your cat sniffs the door, deciding whether to go out or come in? | |
| Would you rather spend a night at home with your cat than go out on a bad date? | |
| Do you give your cat presents and a stocking at Christmas? Do you spend more for your cat than you do for your spouse? | |
| Do the Christmas cards you send out feature your cat sitting on Santa's lap? Does your cat sign the card? | |
| Do you put off making the bed until the cat gets up? | |
| Does your cat eat out of cut crystal stemware because you both watched the same commercial on television? | |
| Do you microwave your cat's food? Prepare it from scratch? | |
| Do you climb out of bed over the headboard or footboard, so you won't disturb the sleeping cat? | |
| At the store, do you pick up the catfood and kitty litter before you pick out anything for yourself? | |
| Do you cook a special turkey for your cat on holidays? | |
| Does your cat "insist" on a fancy Sunday breakfast consisting of an omelette made from eggs, milk, and salmon, halibut, or trout? | |
| Do you have pictures of your cat in your wallet? Do you bring them out when your friends share pictures of their children? (Pollsters claim that 40 percent of cat owners carry their pet's pictures in their wallets, by the way.) | |
| When people call to talk to you on the phone, do you insist that they say a few words to your cat as well? | |
| Do you accept dates only with those who have a cat? If so, do you eventually double-date with the cats to see how they get along? | |
| When someone new comes to your house, do you introduce your cat, by name, to them? | |
A tomcat was heard running up and down the
alley for hours. A neighbor called his owner and
asked what was happening. The owner said, "Well,
I had him neutered today, and he's going around
canceling all his engagements."
alley for hours. A neighbor called his owner and
asked what was happening. The owner said, "Well,
I had him neutered today, and he's going around
canceling all his engagements."
What is a Cat?
1. Cats do what they want.
2. They rarely listen to you.
3. They're totally unpredictable.
4. When you want to play, they want to be alone.
5. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
6. They expect you to cater to their every whim.
7. They're moody.
8. They leave hair everywhere.
CONCLUSION: They're tiny women in little fur coats.
Genesis Reworded
On the first day of creation, God created the cat....
On the second day, God created man to serve the cat....
On the third day, God created all the animals of the earth to serve as
potential food for the cat....
On the fourth day, God created honest toil so that man could labor
for the good of the cat....
On the fifth day, God created the sparkle ball so that the cat might
or might not play with it....
On the sixth day, God created veterinary science to keep the cat
healthy and the man broke....
On the seventh day, God tried to rest, but He had to scoop the litterbox....
Yes, it's a cat's world after all. Amen!
On the first day of creation, God created the cat....
On the second day, God created man to serve the cat....
On the third day, God created all the animals of the earth to serve as
potential food for the cat....
On the fourth day, God created honest toil so that man could labor
for the good of the cat....
On the fifth day, God created the sparkle ball so that the cat might
or might not play with it....
On the sixth day, God created veterinary science to keep the cat
healthy and the man broke....
On the seventh day, God tried to rest, but He had to scoop the litterbox....
Yes, it's a cat's world after all. Amen!
THE FOLLOWING PHOTOS WERE SENT TO ME BY THE LANCASHIRE BRANCH OF CATS PROTECTION !
ABSOLUTELY FAB AREN'T THEY !!!
